


FKA BIZ

by summation



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: CPGradTFLN, Drinking, Gen, Haus party, Pre-Canon, beer pong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3793702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summation/pseuds/summation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shitty is FKA Biz.<br/>His nickname origin story.</p>
<p>Inspired by two TFLNs.</p>
<p>(773): im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me</p>
<p>(631): i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night</p>
            </blockquote>





	FKA BIZ

**Author's Note:**

> Shitty had to be (nick)named something other than Shitty at one point, since he had to receive the nickname somehow. So I decided that his frog nickname would be Biz, using the “B” that is pretty much all we know about his first name and combining it with “-iz,” as per the “Hockey Shit” lesson. Please note that I am neither in college nor have ever attended a college party or one where beer pong and other shenanigans were going on, so I’m pretty much going off of what I’ve read and watched! I hope you guys liked it, and I cannot believe the seniors are graduating super soon! Ahhh!

There really wasn’t much to the story of how B. Knight became Shitty.

The story started on a cold, winter night, in the comfort of the Haus. It was a quiet Friday night and there was the soft hum of the television as some Spanish soap opera played in the background. Some pre-prepared meal (nachos?) warmed itself in the kitchen’s microwave and---

_Just kidding_. It was a Friday night in December; there was _no_ _way_ whatsoever that the Haus was quiet. The Haus was almost always hosting a party; the fact that a handful of the hockey team members played a few years before heading to Samwell meant that there was always someone able to purchase booze. And booze was quite a frequent purchase. They just won a home match last night, and that was indeed a reason to celebrate. With a party. With a “there’s so many people here and I don’t think I can even think it’s so loud” kind of party.

There was a ton of people of in the hockey frat; there were kids from the drama club over in a corner reciting lines from their upcoming production of _Hamlet_ ; there were the Lax bros from across the street scarfing down pizza and doing body shots off of both the hot new sorority pledges _and_ each other; and the girls’ volleyball team had started their own rendition to the _High School Musical_ soundtrack. (Biz was _so_ down for that movie; he loved the fact that Troy didn’t have to give up his athletics to pursue his musical interests.)

And in the middle of this was little Biz, in the middle of a conversation with some girl from his Chem 101 class about next last lab report.

“When was it due? It was about combustion, right?”

Biz just sort of mumbled some vagueish response (“Next Tuesday, or Thursday or somethin’,”), slightly inebriated already, and wondered why the girl was even really asking _him_ about what their chem class was about. He showed up (most of the time) but he was _not_ a future chem major. Biz was more concerned with fitting in with his teammates and _not getting killed_ at Murder Stop  & Shop and _maybe_ (hopefully!) getting a senior to give him dibs to that sweet room in the Haus that let him sit on top of the porch roof.

He politely excused himself from the girl (Katie? Lacy? He’ll probably remember when he isn’t so drunk) with an easy “Gotta help the boys out,” accompanied with a quick wave goodbye.

And help them out he did. Helped them clean out the alcohol stores, to be exact.

His first stop was the table where an intense game of beer pong was going on. Biz thinks he’s pretty much a pro at beer pong, gaining skills at the off chance there was a kegger back at Andover, and also over the summers, hanging out with his “too rich for their own good” friends (he doesn’t like to think about himself as one, though) with wonderful basements for it. So he waited on line, waved to Marshes, one of their graduating seniors, who was leaning against the wall, chatting animatedly to some soccer player.

Soon enough, Biz was in the middle of an intense beer pong game, pretty much wiping the table with this poor sophomore who seems absolutely drunk. He felt a little bad, so he missed a couple to lessen the loss. At the end of the match, Biz was the clear victor, and welcomed the next challenger.

This match was a little bit more difficult; Biz was, after all, slightly more intoxicated than the game before, and he was pretty sure that this opponent had barely even _touched_ a beer, so the hand-eye coordination was spot on. He stood absolutely no chance against this beer pong god. Biz gulped one, two, three drinks, and soon he had chugged all of the cups on the table. (And even though it’s called beer pong, he was pretty sure one of the cups was straight vodka.)

Extravagantly bowing, Biz walked over to the next room over, where Jack was sitting on the couch that Biz has decided was his favorite. (“It’s green!” He went. “Green’s, like, my _third_ favorite color!”)

Biz sat down, causing Jack to glance up in response.

“Hey,” Jack said, looking down at the cup in his hands. He sounded pretty down, which worries Biz. Jack is usually a downer, but it’s a party! They won a game again! Jack looked like something bit his (famed) butt.

“Yooooo,” he slurred. (Wow, he really had thought he was much more sober than that.) “Not enjoying the p-p-partayy?”

Jack grunted some sound that sounded sort-of-affirmative, and Biz’s response was quite ineloquent. He ruffled Jack’s hair and said, “Oh, my fellow frog, is it the _agony_ of not having a room in the Haus that has you so down? Becauseee it is the baneee of my existence!”

“Not quite, Biz,” here Jack laughed a little chuckle, and Biz felt pretty accomplished.

Biz got up, and messed with Jack’s hair once again. “See ya round, Jack,” he hollered as he walked away.

His next destination was the keg, where he refilled the red solo cup he was holding. He was quickly able to chug it down, and soon had a full cup in his hand again.

By now, Biz was sort of a strange mix of both shaky and lethargic. It’s a strange feeling, and Biz just wanted to simultaneously stop drinking and keep of chugging. He remembered the fact that there was no class for two days and tomorrow’s practice was to be an afternoon one and kept on drinking.

From here, Biz shoveled drinks down his throat and felt the burn, and started to remember less and less. It all really meshed together for Biz. Shot. Beer. Feel some puke coming on. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

And then it happened. Biz was so drunk, so wasted, that he could not even _hold_ it until he made it to the bathroom. (It wouldn’t have mattered anyways, since Marshes and that soccer player were in the bathroom sucking face and maybe a bit more.)

Right there, outside the bathroom, lying out on the floor, half-passed out, Biz shit his pants.

As the team was cleaning up and ushering the people out of the Haus, the statement that was immortalized in his new nickname was muttered.

Jack was tasked with the area around the downstairs bathroom, he said, “Now, well, something smells shitty right about here.”

Marshes was passing through the hallway at that fated moment and shouted, “Oh! Yo! Team! We’re gonna call Biz Shitty! Because he _shit his pants!_ ”

And history was made.

**Author's Note:**

> no I totally didn’t write this instead of homework/studying for APs what are you talking about? And no I this comic has not turned me into hockey trash hahah did I see the Blues/Wilds game haha definitely NOT will I be watching the Rangers??? haha probably. i have resigned myself to hockey hell sos  
> Also: Marshes is what I assumed the nickname of the graduated Wellie that gave dibs to Shitty would be. and please, please, please tell me if you spot any errors! and i'd love to hear your thoughts on this and stuff! <3 thanks ily, internet user


End file.
